Thursday, May 27, 2010

Less is more.

People with furrowed brows, hands on hips, talk about objects. talk about grandchildren.

I'm in a trance deep inside a high school yearbook. I'll take their word for it, but I don't know about any of this. I'm pretty sure we're doomed. You'll make it. I just wish I knew how to fit.

I get overwhelmed, distracted, confused, hypnotized, fascinated by rooms full of objects sometimes. We're always fixing and searching, buying and selling, moving and planning. I am such a suspicious character, with my resting and pondering. I'm trapped and selfish sometimes. Aren't you?

I wonder what you'll say. Crafting magic words into a solution for us. Stirring up the perfect potion countries away. I wish you would just say yes. yes. okay. I'll do it. I'll try. Because the saying is the least of it. Say it, and get it out of the way so that you can get on with the doing. The more words the farther away we are, and I know it's hard because words are all you have right now to do your bidding. But all the right words wont make it work if it can't work. and usually, it doesn't work.

but how I hate to disappoint.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Where is it she goes?

What is trust? If I trust myself truly do I need it with others? If I know, beyond a doubt, that I am all right, I am complete, I will suffice with just me, then what does it matter if he is to be trusted or not.

I can't give it away again. to be smashed. I just can't. and I have a sinking feeling. dread. and what do I dread more? Learning that it has all been an illusion? again. or having to face the people I love after revealing to them that it all fell through. again.

Is my intuition really just a self fulfilling prophecy? Could I see a good thing if I had it? Will I ever have it?

There are some days I just feel broken for no reason at all.