and in the scheme of things, in the scheme of the whole universe and beyond, endless space and time, zillions and billions of years and ages and moments, our lives are so small. so short. so fleeting. so special and magical. our lives are a speck. a sparkle. a flash. who CARES what religion you are? who cares what religion your children are? isn't it more important to care about the nature of the time we have here? what we give, how we love, learn, preserve, care, grow, adapt, evolve? aren't these things more important than a man made theory about things we really can't know right now?
if you have a feeling, that's great. If you have beliefs, if you know things, that's lovely. If things have been revealed to you, if you're found a community of people who share your values or if you're a pioneer and you have stumbled upon some new enlightening information, that is amazing. and even more amazing if you find people who agree with you. it is a gift. to be cherished. indeed. but at some point if we invest any amount of faith into ANYTHING outside of ourselves we MUST accept that others are and always will be different and should be different and other paths are right. otherwise how insulting to this creator of ours, this omniscient omnipotent creator, to imply that things are not exactly as they should be. To try to grab the wheel and steer, and force, and fix, and push and pull in the name of faith is an oxymoron. a conflict of interest. a failure. to judge, to condemn, to damn, to hate, to attach. to presume. to fight. these are the antitheses of faith.
Several times in my life so far I have been reminded that I do not belong in various religions. I don't fit in, my spirituality cannot be accommodated, my family is not welcome, my heritage is not enough. The message I have received is "come as you are, but just change a couple things first." and unfortunately I have tried. I am so willing. too willing. but ultimately, it turns out, I am who I am. I can't not be me. and I happen to believe that I am enough. I am beautifully crafted with an open mind and thoughts and opinions and feelings and all. It is this belief that actually allows me to change and grow. So there has always in the past come a time. when I must walk away. alone. and disappointed. I walk. I find a place in the grass, in the dirt, to sit. to sprawl. to listen as my heart shatters and aches longing for someone to take me as I am. These religions are beautiful, meaningful, they have good intentions but, God, we distort them. Our egos get in the way of the unconditional nature You have tried to instill. and I look at the sky, my throat is tight, and over and over again I just ask "why?" I scream, I beg, I plead, I tug, I thrash, I cry.
I am Your daughter, yet You wont reply. "Just remain open," You finally say, "as I show you things." that is my job, I guess, my constant challenge. Knowing what these things are, or what they mean, is not part of the deal.
So I stay just a child with a curious mind.
Looking out through these eyes both wide open and blind.
