I'm not ready.
I have things to do. that I don't want to do. I don't want to stay. I don't want to go. I don't know the right thing.
I'm stuck. empty. blank. restless. stale. toxic. idle.
When do things get better? when we make them better? when we decide that what we've got is enough? Can addictions be healed? Can we become free? Can we evolve past codependency? Do people ever wake up and see things they didn't see couldn't see before? Do we actually grow up? Can we actually change? I'm not optimistic.
It's been the roughest year. so far. 2009.
I'm really going to miss it. the city. the people. and maybe I'll be back. but this time will be gone then. I'm leaving it behind. I'm not ready. I have to go. Things just aren't right here anymore. I don't know what happened. I just lost it. I don't know where it went, when it went, why it went, or what it is. It's just gone. and I have to let go.
A salute to the end of this year. A hope that these will be good months. Productive months. calm months. thorough months. Months of closure. and enjoyment. and health.
